This post was inspired by a blog post by my girl Seember
And by this very random tweet by my favorite sexy pilot Susan
What do you need from a romantic relationship?? You will note that I said “need” and not “want”
What are your basic requirements? Although there’s nothing basic about love in my opinion but you know what I mean.
I’ll go first…
I need my SO to be kind above everything. The word “kind” seems very simple but it really isn’t. To me kindness comprises of compassion, generosity and empathy.
Let’s break this down…
Compassion is defined as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Generosity is defined as “readiness or liberalism in giving” also “freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character.
Empathy is defined as ” the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another “
I know what you are thinking….”Aren’t these basic requirements for just being a good human being?”
Yes, they are but as you very well know…good humans are few and far in between these days.
I’m an unashamed lover. I don’t hold back when it’s doing me. Lol! I put EVERYTHING into it and you virtually become my world. Everything that concerns you becomes a priority to me. I have to confess that although this clearly hasn’t worked for me……. I really don’t know how to do it any differently…*sigh*
So I constantly ask myself if I’m doing myself and my future happiness a disservice by loving so hard. It’s sounds contradictory, right? It really isn’t because I also KNOW that love isn’t enough. It’s a big part but it’s not everything.
I remember Funmi telling me ages ago…”Don’t be with a man that you can die for..be with a man that will die for you”
It confused me because I thought the ideal was us wanting to die for each other and I didn’t get on very well with her growing up so I felt she was feeding me bullshit especially seeing how crazy she was about Akunne.
I’m much older now and I had a serious adult daughter/Mummy conversation with her lately and I totally see where she was coming from…
Men love differently from women. This is a fact. Men love hotly and brightly from the get go…*that’s why we complain about them changing from the guy that toasted us with sooooooo much heat to the guy who sending a good morning text has become a chore to*
Women are a bit slower to love… we analyze and consider a lot of things…”Is he here to play?” “Can I really see a future with this person?” “Will I be just another notch on his bed post?”
Please don’t misunderstand me, sometimes women just want to fuck. It’s hard for men to grasp that women can be as sexually driven as they are but trust me, we are. Anyway, that’s a subject for another post so let’s get back to this…
When we aren’t looking to just fuck and are considering being in a serious committed relationship it’s definitely a more thoughtful process.
The point Funmi was trying to get across to me is that most men’s love and passion wanes over time and most women “grow” in love with their men over time within the right circumstances especially if he ticks many other boxes like being a good provider, a kind person and generally gives you a feeling of stability.
Am I making sense?
Anyway before I bore y’all too much with my rambling, I have decided that I NEED to love a little softer and calmer and pray for a man that will love me with red hot heat…I’m sure with time we’ll meet somewhere in the middle. Wish me luck!!!!