I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with my mother but I’ve pretty much pushed the thoughts aside but everything has been subbing me lately….from that ridiculously cute Peak milk advert *have y’all seen it? The one with the celebs and their mums* to House of Cards.
Then I watched a clip featuring my friend Chioma in a series called “King Women”by Kemi Adetiba . Y’all need to watch those clips. I can’t wait for the full documentary to come out.
That’s when I knew I had to write this
I have a difficult relationship with Funmi. One moment we are besties and killing ourselves with mutual admiration and the next…I want to never speak to her as long as I live. *I know it sounds dramatic but that’s our reality* Funny enough, it’s gotten much better with time and especially since my dad died. It used to be terrible. I was convinced I was a love child of my fathers that she was somehow forced to raise. I felt kinda loved but not the same as my brothers. It seemed as if she showed me just enough care and love to pass a minimum requirement.
Don’t misunderstand me, she taught me life lessons that are priceless to me…
My father didn’t want me in the kitchen so his princess wouldn’t get burnt. My mother would argue that I’d be useless to my husband and my father would answer “my wedding present to her would be a chef for life ” Yeah, he was that deluded….
He went on a 3month course in the States and she sent all the staff away on paid leave and made me learn how to cook, clean and generally take care of our house in Enugu. Trust me, this was work. From waking up to sweep and dust the house, cleaning bathrooms, going to the market with her and learning to haggle like a beast. *They know me at Artisan Market in Enugu..*
I was 11 and was supposed to be away for the summer and she was running a successful practice as a lawyer. She took 6 weeks of my summer and of her work and made a woman. *Some feminists will argue about that statement but I have a post coming on my idea of feminism*
I’m forever grateful for that. I’m a lazy cow now but that’s by choice. Lol!!
We bonded over that but it didn’t last long. Once my dad came back, it was back to them and us. Them being mummy and her boys.
I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt but I had Daddy!! My big, lovable indulgent Daddy!! Yeah, I’m an unashamed daddy’s girl. He is/was the love of my life. That I was his favorite wasn’t something he hid. No Sir! He called me his “Principal Wife” and I gloried in his love and adoration which certainly didn’t help my relationship with Funmi. We were rivals of some sort considering we were both in love with the same man. Lol!!
I love my mother dearly but the truth is most of the time, I don’t like her at all. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way. I wish it were different but it is what it is. I respect her and I’m fiercely proud of her achievements and her strength
I know I’ve disappointed her in many ways as a daughter…..sooooooo many ways. I am a difficult child and to make matters worse, I was too fat, too mouthy, too argumentative and of course too indulged by Daddy. It doesn’t help that i haven’t “found”a husband or given her grandchildren.
I want things to be different between us but that will mean a serious heart to heart and I really don’t know where to start…… she is also too stubborn to admit that she could have done things differently.
Shes getting older and pretty much set in her ways so sometimes I wonder if I should just let it go and simply accept that she is who she is and still love her as I always have but the problem is that I desperately want to like her and have her like me too.