This post was inspired by a blog post by my girl Seember   

 

 

 

And by this very random tweet by my favorite sexy pilot Susan

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What do you need from a romantic relationship?? You will note that I said “need” and not “want”
What are your basic requirements? Although there’s nothing basic about love in my opinion but you know what I mean.

 

 

I’ll go first…
I need my SO to be kind above everything. The word “kind” seems very simple but it really isn’t. To me kindness comprises of compassion, generosity and empathy.
Let’s break this down…
Compassion is defined as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

 

Generosity is defined as “readiness or liberalism in giving” also “freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character.

 

Empathy is defined as ” the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another “

 

I know what you are thinking….”Aren’t these basic requirements for just being a good human being?”
Yes, they are but as you very well know…good humans are few and far in between these days.

 

I’m an unashamed lover. I don’t hold back when it’s doing me. Lol! I put EVERYTHING into it and you virtually become my world. Everything that concerns you becomes a priority to me. I have to confess that  although this clearly hasn’t worked for me……. I really don’t know how to do it any differently…*sigh*

 

So I constantly ask myself if I’m doing myself and my future happiness a disservice by loving so hard. It’s sounds contradictory, right? It really isn’t because I also KNOW that love isn’t enough. It’s a big part but it’s not everything.
I remember Funmi telling me ages ago…”Don’t be with a man that you can die for..be with a man that will die for you”
It confused me because I thought the ideal was us wanting to die for each other and I didn’t get on very well with her growing up so I felt she was feeding me bullshit especially seeing how crazy she was about Akunne.

 

I’m much older now and I had a serious adult daughter/Mummy conversation with her lately and I totally see where she was coming from…
Men love differently from women. This is a fact. Men love hotly and brightly from the get go…*that’s why we complain about them changing from the guy that toasted us with sooooooo much heat to the guy who sending a good morning text has become a chore to*
Women are a bit slower to love… we analyze and consider a lot of things…”Is he here to play?” “Can I really see a future with this person?” “Will I be just another notch on his bed post?”

 

Please don’t misunderstand me, sometimes women just want to fuck. It’s hard for men to grasp that women can be as sexually driven as they are but trust me, we are. Anyway, that’s a subject for another post so let’s get back to this…
When we aren’t looking to just fuck and are considering being in a serious committed relationship it’s definitely a more thoughtful process.
The point Funmi was trying to get across to me is that most men’s love and passion wanes over time and most women “grow” in love with their men over time within the right circumstances especially if he ticks many other boxes like being a good provider, a kind person and generally gives you a feeling of stability.
Am I making sense?

 

Anyway before I bore y’all too much with my rambling, I have decided that I NEED to love a little softer and calmer and pray for a man that will love me with red hot heat…I’m sure with time we’ll meet somewhere in the middle. Wish me luck!!!!

 

MMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Written by Boki
My name is Boki and I love all things beautiful. I’m a very positive person and I truly expect the same from all of you that decide to take this journey with me so please read our house rules and behave accordingly.

    13 Comments

  1. Eky Shirley September 6, 2016 at 2:21 pm Reply

    Yayyyyyyyy…..

    After so long. Welcome back sis…. You’ve been missed.

    Me, i don’t know if I can love softer; I’ll just try to temper some of my expectations (by which I mean of his expressions of love and not the love in itself). I get Funmi’s point though; we love the mushy stuff because our emotions and us are one; whereas guys as with everything, tend to be logical. So for instance, a guy will usually expect you to understand that the flowery texts may reduce but his actions will show you how he feels.

    Biko, this is too much English for the afternoon. Is there any giveaway for commenting after so long? *TakesToHeels*

    • Boki September 10, 2016 at 1:49 pm Reply

      Lol!! No giveaway!! Taa!!
      ???

  2. Annie September 6, 2016 at 3:05 pm Reply

    Meeeeehhhhnnnn, babes this post has given me life!!! I’ll explain why in a minute.

    See I can totally relate to this COS I love exactly like you do – fiercely, with everything in me. AND you guessed right, it hasn’t worked for me so far. And yeah, I have questioned myself and my sanity many a-time. One day sha, my Abba took pity on me and showed me this –

    “Philippians 1:9-11The Message (MSG)

    So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush.” – and a light bulb went off in my head. I’m a new woman now. Cos the way I see it, if the Good Book sef can tell me to love with sense then who am I to love any other way but softer and more cautiously.

    • Boki September 10, 2016 at 1:59 pm Reply

      Boom!!! God has said so and that’s all that matters biko!!
      Thank you sooooo much for reminding me ? ? ?

  3. Uche September 6, 2016 at 3:09 pm Reply

    I need growth and genuine happiness

    • Boki September 10, 2016 at 2:00 pm Reply

      Amen!!!!

  4. Evuas September 6, 2016 at 6:29 pm Reply

    Now this post,Sliced bread! Annie’s comment,light.

    • Boki September 10, 2016 at 2:01 pm Reply

      Thank you!!
      Yeah, her comment gave me life ???

  5. Ify September 6, 2016 at 7:22 pm Reply

    Hello dear, i totally agree with Funmi. It worked for me…have been married for 17 yrs. BTW, my mom knows Funmi…lol

    • Boki September 10, 2016 at 2:04 pm Reply

      Oh wow!!!
      It’s such a small world, isn’t it??
      Since it has worked for you for 17yrs, it’s really the koko!! ???
      Thank you sooooo much for stopping by ? ? ?

  6. Towmeey September 7, 2016 at 12:14 am Reply

    I learnt the very hard way to love with sense.
    I used to be soooooo foolish.
    I still love very very hard. But I just apply logic and serious reasoning.
    And I feel like when the person is worth it ehnnnnnn and if he loves you with the same fire (or possibly more) then that’s all o.

    And on the kindness and empathy thing, I say this all the time as well, the world is seriously turning into something else and you hardly find genuinely kind people anymore.

    beautiful post! Biko YouTube nko? #Imhereagain #iwontstopasking.

    • Boki September 26, 2016 at 10:53 pm Reply

      You are sooooooo cute!!!!!
      Thank you for being patient with me.
      I am working on a YouTube video as we speak.
      mmmmmwwwwaaaahhh

  7. Nkyyyyys September 14, 2016 at 5:09 pm Reply

    Finally!!!! Welcome back.?? To think that I was having this conversation with a close friend today. Loving hard never really favors the chics you just end up frustrated, miserable or a nag. Your mums motto is my motto cos I can’t shout. I’ve always believed love is really a tiny part of it. Give me a kind, respectful and responsible man and I’m good.

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